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:||:

I'm Only "Mature"
 
Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors' Discount."
I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you Seniors, the coffee is free."
 
Understand - I'm not old - I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer - can't hear what they say.
 
My teeth are my own (I have the receipt),
And my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.
 
The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray....saying "blond" is just right.
 
My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet some kids yell, "Old duffer...get off the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent,
Still I get all this stuff from a punk who's "Hell bent."
 
My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines" not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old....just call me mature.
 
The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take all your breath away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.
 
But I'm keeping up with what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'M NOT REALLY OLD....I'M ONLY MATURE

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The f... word

The f... word is almost always gratuitous and offensive; yet when used by the mayor of Hiroshima in 1945, when he said "What the f... was that - it would appear to be almost entirely appropriate!!

.......ah soooo!!

:||:

 Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
 When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away.
"Johnny,
 wait until we say our prayer."  "I don't have to." The boy replied.
 "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at
our  house."
 "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she
knows how to cook!

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
 
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20
begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a
luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees'
beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until
the end
of
the party ~ the days are so short this time of year ~ or else
package
everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that work?
Meanwhile,
I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the
dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do
not have
to
sit with Gay men. Each will have their own table. Yes, there
will be
flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking
permission to
cross dress, no cross-dressing is allowed. We will have booster
seats for
short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a
diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
people with
high blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert
for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty
 
********************
A Fresh Approach
Every college kid puts the bite on the folks for money. But sometimes even the most creative pleas can go unanswered.
 
Consider this exchange between a freshman college student and his father:
 
Dear Dad,
 
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
 
Love,
 
Your $on
 
The boy gets his reply early the next week:
 
Dear Son,
 
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
 
Love,
 
Dad

 

The Royal Navy